Sometimes I write for therapy as I did when I wrote this piece. Hideki my husband had a stroke and on his brain a hematoma. He was in the hospital. The hematoma was bleeding. Toto had just died and Bodhi was in the hospital with a rare blood disease IMHA in critical condition. I was all alone. Late at night I wrote this piece with eyes closed in automatic writing.
My prayer… December 2020
in December
my husband had two strokes
total eclipse…
Here we look inside my husband’s brain
a mandala a network of pathways interfacing in his head.
his brain is bleeding
a hematoma lies on top of the right hemisphere
yes, the brain is divided into right and left hemispheres
completely different and divided by
I think he uses his mind too much
can we calm it down so he can live a little longer?
he is 80 years old but his heart is strong
he s lively and energetic strong-willed
dear god
give him a chance to live
he’s a good man
Right now, he is teeter tottering on life and death
so, they say– maybe this is not so true
they don’t know how strong he is
leave him alone. He’s fine.
Something warm and tasty
that’s what the world needs right now
that’s what I need right now.
something savory that soothes my tummy
mom’s macaroni and cheese my favorite
childhood memories of Barbara and me
we wore our rainboots to school
we splashed in puddles
that was the happiest time of my life.
dad and mom were living together
in long beach
little did I know they weren’t happy.
teeter tottering
on life and death
doctors tell me
the solid truth
happiness is a bubble that protects you…Genie Nakano, August 24, 2021
Hideki in February 2021
The hematoma is gone.
Genie Nakano 
Thank you. Posting this made me realize how much. I’ve come back to my old self of snapping–I have a quick temper. Back then I was an angel but now sometimes I snap if he forgets something etc. It was good for me to be reminded of the preciousness of life.
We all have so much to be grateful for and we all need to work on loving kindness.–not a buddha yet.
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For someone with a stroke–Hideki is doing very good. Both of your hang in there!
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Thank you for your blessing anonymous. I’m taking that as the truth. Seriously, I appreciate your thoughts and encouragement. Someday I hope to meet you.
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Dear Janet: you are tearing my eyes. I hope we will meet again too. Someone–anonymous wrote me Hideki will live to a hundred — like your mom. I hope we all do–I feel young and so does Hideki. He is doing fine. Doing what he likes to do. He is forever becoming an even more loving person. a little memory loss does him good…lol
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Hi Genie,
Thank you for sending me this writing, telling me your mind, in the days you were worried and concerned about Dickie, as I’ve called him for 65 years plus. I wish you both the best, in the years to come. I hope our paths will meet many, many times in the future.
Best wishes,
Janet
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Hideki will live to over 100yrs . Enjoyed your thoughts! Thank You!
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