Looking Inside my husband’s brain

Sometimes I write for therapy as I did when I wrote this piece. Hideki my husband had a stroke and on his brain a hematoma. He was in the hospital. The hematoma was bleeding. Toto had just died and Bodhi was in the hospital with a rare blood disease IMHA in critical condition. I was all alone. Late at night I wrote this piece with eyes closed in automatic writing.
My prayer… December 2020

  A picture containing indoor

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in December

my husband had two strokes

total eclipse…

Here we look inside my husband’s brain

a mandala a network of pathways interfacing in his head.

his brain is bleeding

a hematoma lies on top of the right hemisphere

yes, the brain is divided into right and left hemispheres

 completely different and divided by

I think he uses his mind too much

can we calm it down so he can live a little longer?

he is 80 years old but his heart is strong

he s lively and energetic strong-willed

dear god

give him a chance to live

he’s a good man

Right now, he is teeter tottering on life and death

so, they say– maybe this is not so true 

they don’t know how strong he is

leave him alone. He’s fine.

Something warm and tasty

that’s what the world needs right now

that’s what I need right now.

something savory that soothes my tummy

mom’s macaroni and cheese my favorite

childhood memories of Barbara and me

we wore our rainboots to school

we splashed in puddles

that was the happiest time of my life.

dad and mom were living together

in long beach

little did I know they weren’t happy.

teeter tottering

on life and death

doctors tell me

the solid truth

happiness is a bubble that protects you…Genie Nakano, August 24, 2021

Hideki in February 2021

                                           

The hematoma is gone.

The hematoma is gone, Feb. 2021 photo of MRI by Genie Nakano

Published by genienakano

I love writing--It's my joy, my therapy--my confession. I'm a performer, dancer, yoga and meditation instructor, write a poetry column for Rafu Shimpo. Growth and love of life is a key to my happiness.

6 thoughts on “Looking Inside my husband’s brain

  1. Thank you. Posting this made me realize how much. I’ve come back to my old self of snapping–I have a quick temper. Back then I was an angel but now sometimes I snap if he forgets something etc. It was good for me to be reminded of the preciousness of life.
    We all have so much to be grateful for and we all need to work on loving kindness.–not a buddha yet.

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  2. Dear Janet: you are tearing my eyes. I hope we will meet again too. Someone–anonymous wrote me Hideki will live to a hundred — like your mom. I hope we all do–I feel young and so does Hideki. He is doing fine. Doing what he likes to do. He is forever becoming an even more loving person. a little memory loss does him good…lol

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  3. Hi Genie,

    Thank you for sending me this writing, telling me your mind, in the days you were worried and concerned about Dickie, as I’ve called him for 65 years plus. I wish you both the best, in the years to come. I hope our paths will meet many, many times in the future.

    Best wishes,

    Janet

    >

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